Believing Again

Around every corner there are blessings. There was once a time in my life that I honestly thought that there could not be a God, because if there were one why was I dealt with such horrible obstacles -obstacles that some may never have gotten over. Why was I ripped apart by a train? Why was I homeless and living out of my car? Why did my family hate me so much? And why were the over-abundant depression and suicidal thoughts constantly filling my mind? Why did I never get to live out the dreams that I had for my whole life? Why was I never loved the way people are supposed to be love, and why was I constantly dragged back into abusive relationships? In this life, what have I done to deserve so much pain and so much misery? And then one day, little by little, I started to believe again.

It started out of the blue and simple really. I was at my local grocery store and a man approached me while unloading my groceries into my car. He very adamantly asked if I needed help and I hesitantly said sure. He was an older gentleman, one who had a strong limp and trembling hands. He was, in some way, like me. Though having lived a completely different life, having a completely different family, and having faced completely different trials. Just as we finished unloading, he said that he admired me. I’m never really sure why people say this. I mean, I did this to myself and I’m only a person just literally living. He then began to tell me about his life in the war and his family and then began to ask me about my life, and my family. He told me it was an honor to meet one of God’s miracles, in person, and how he just knew my purpose in life was going to be a great one. Of course, by this time I am shook. I mean really! Me? A miracle? HAH. He spoke to me about all of the times that he had wanted to give up because of all of the pain he had been dealt, because of all of the loss and the grief that was thrown his way.

And I could relate.

It wasn’t like any other encounter that I had with anyone else who had previously approached me. He didn’t immediately start the conversation as, “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!?” “I feel so sorry for you.” Or, “Did you serve in the military?” and then hurriedly scurry away after I say, no. He took the time to ask me about my life, share stories about his, and ultimately leave me feeling some kind of warm and tingly in my heart that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I then began to think, maybe there was a God. And just maybe, he sent this kind and gentle old man my way to help shine some light on my life.

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