The Joy of Motherhood – I Miss Her

I forget how much I miss her. 

Throughout the day when the rumpus and the rummaging has started and I ache for peace and quiet. 

I forget how much I miss her. 

When the screeching and the howling has commenced and all I want is two minutes to myself. 

I forget how much I miss her. 

When dinner is being prepared and impatience gets the best of her (and me), when she begins to cry for me and all I want is to get this done. I’m hurrying, I’m almost done, I promise. 

I forget how much I miss her. 

When her belly is full and it’s time to play. 

She wishes to be held while I fix my plate. 

And all I want is to eat while it’s still at least a little warm. 

I forget how much I miss her. 

When the lights go out, and it’s just me and her there. I’m holding her in my arms swaying back and forth. 

Her eyes are closed, but her feet still kick. 

Fighting her sleep, because for her, the fun is never supposed to end. 

She’s finally asleep and I can’t help but wonder why it was so imperative that she go to sleep so early anyway?

I could have waiting a little longer. 

Because now I know how much I miss her. 

I miss her screeching and howling, I miss her crying for me, I miss the Ma-Ma that she speaks and/or screams when she needs me… Or when she wants me. And I think of how I wasn’t that hungry anyway, once everything was done. I was just going with the motions while she was trying to have fun. 

I miss her while she sleeps and I look through all of the photos of her trying to find some sort of peace. And I know that it’s just a little while before we do it all again.