Ramblings

As I sit outside on this brisk afternoon, my ears are filled with the song of various birds and a soft breeze dances through my hair.

I think back two years prior. I had recently found out that I was with child. I was unknowing of what my future held, scared beyond belief, and having so many questions that hadn’t gotten answered – causing my head to nearly explode.

What was I doing? I was unhappy. Starving for something other than what I had, and I wasn’t doing anything about it. My child, who would soon join me in this world, would witness me at my lowest potential. I could not fathom a world in which this was our reality, especially hers.

She needed to see me at my best. She needed to learn through me and my actions. To learn that she, herself, could be great and do great things.

So, I began working on myself. Emotionally and mentally to start, turning things that I wrongfully felt were negative aspects of my life into positive ones. I coddled my heart and my mind like a newborn child giving it the love and compassion it deserved.

 Instead of my usual, “whyyy did my hair have to fall out?” or “This is what I deserved.”

 I started saying things like, “I’m so excited that my hair is starting to grow back” and “Everything really does happen for a reason.”  

I took the blankets off of my residual limbs and explored the world around me with the help of amazing friends and family. (Thank you, Sharon, thank you Nicki).

I took on hard, but right choices head on and made the conscious decision to rid my life of the negative people who had influenced me in the worst of ways.

I slowly began to walk with a walker. I then faced my fears of falling and moved on to crutches. And soon I just know and feel it in the bones that I have left, as well as the ghosts of those that have gone, that I won’t be walking with anything but my two bionic legs and perfectly painted rubber toes.

So, here I am, the happiest I have ever been in my entire life, even with my bad days. The best of it all? I get to share it with the love of my life, my daughter, Harper.