When I found out I was having Harper I found myself really uneasy, in a way. How could I play with her? Would she love me the way that I am? I kept having these doubts that I would never be able to play softball with her like my Mom did with me or play hide and seek, etc. All of this was just me meandering the wrong course because all of those doubts were completely false. Now, that didn’t stop the overbearing anxiety from entering each and ever thought that I had. Even the simplest and most normal things really bothered me. A family member saying they would build the tree house with her, though it was completely normal for them to do so, it still stung knowing that I probably wouldn’t be able to do something like that.
The thing is, being a disabled Mom is a little frightening when you think of everything as a whole. For instance, looking at your life with a child all at once can be very presumptuous and scary. Like with me, I had no idea what would happen, how it would happen, and so on. It’s normal for a new mom to have doubts, but they should never accept the thoughts of defeat that linger in their minds.
I worked with my disability, I looked it straight in the imaginary face and said, “You don’t define me as a person or a mother.” Besides, Harper loves me unconditionally just the way I am. She’s scoped my stumps and then her toes out, like “Where in the heck are they Mama?” I’ve talked to her about Mommy’s legs and how she has two feet and I have rubber feet. Harper will only ever know me to have rubber feet and as much as I would have liked for her to meet the me before my accident – I know that she will love and cherish every moment with me now and in the future.
When it comes down to it, our disability doesn’t really matter to our children. There have been multiple times when I’ve thought she would love me less because I couldn’t do as much as other Moms. I realize now that I do even more.
If you’re lost finding things to do with your baby/child I’ve written out a list that I wish I could have seen when planning for my sweet Harper.
- Read to them during the day, in the morning at night. Read picture books and fun adventurous books.
- I sing to Harper daily – all day really. I can just hear her as a tween yelling, “Please stop singing Mom!” But for now, she loves it and we dance together all throughout the house.
- Show them photos. Photos of your family and tell her stories about them.
- Look out of the windows when it’s raining, when it’s sunny when it’s snowing. Show them the birds, the sky, and the clouds. Show them the beauty of the world right here at home.
- Listen to music, your favorite music growing up – the type of music that you can’t help but sing along to. You’ll be sharing a little part of who you are, as a person, not just a parent.
- Go to museums and enjoy the atmosphere. Harper puts on her *gasp* face when she sees something interesting!
- The Zoo, it can be a great place for fun and educational purposes. Harper recently saw ducks in person and now points them out in her picture book and says “Quack”